Wicked: Welcome to My Private Little Hell

Anorexia Nervosa has become the Grim Reaper of young people today, killing them spiritually as well as physically, it is a plague which spreads all over the globe with the speed of a hurricane, a modern form hara-kiri.

At the age of thirteen, following a number of upheavals and changes in my life, including divorce, harassment, immigration, becoming a refugee and beginning a new life, I was diagnosed as having Anorexia Nervosa, an eating disorder. At first, I was filled with disbelief; I assumed people were lying to me because they were jealous of my new self. But things started to get worse. I got worse. My health deteriorated and my mind was taken over by something or someone foreign and cruel, my will was all but gone. I was no longer myself. My life was filled with hatred. Anorexia took on a life of its own. In fact, it became another person living inside my mind. At first a friend, a guardian angel, but later Anorexia changed into an oppressor, a dictator, a tyrant.

Eventually, I grew sick of being exhausted and spiritually dead. It was then that at the age of seventeen, after years of self-inflicted torture, I had decided to fight.

And it is the battle over whether to fight or not which is the hardest. It is a combat in which the Anorexic must engage without any outside help. Family, friends and doctors can help but the duel must be solely between the person and the illness. It takes place inside the sufferer's head. It is a solitary war and the Anorexic's existence is much like a solitary confinement. That is my story, this book. A private hell made public, with a sprinkling of humor and adventure that makes life and growing up so exciting.

Now, the battle is won but the war still goes on. Anorexia is never going to leave my mind but I have put it to sleep, I have drugged it but each day I must consciously engage in a duel to keep it that way. Each new day signals a fresh fight. But it can be done.