When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You
Jan Yager
(Author)
21,000+ Reviews
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Description
Taking its place alongside relationship classics The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dr. Jan Yager's When Friendship Hurts, in print since being published twenty-two years ago, is now available in a second edition containing new original research. Friendship expert, coach, and sociologist Dr. Jan Yager's prescriptive book on toxic friendships, what to do about them, and how to find or improve the positive friendships we all deserve, also has an updated Preface, bibliography, and resources section. The Preface shares Dr. Yager's more recent research that asks the question, "Have you ever had a friendship that made you physically or emotionally sick?" She was surprised to find that such strong reactions were more common than she originally thought. Forty-three percent of the ninety men and women she surveyed answered "Yes" to that question. In the new Preface, she shares their most common reactions. Another new feature of Dr. Yager's classic book includes cartoons at the beginning of each chapter by artist Cathy Wilcox and originally done for the Australia/New Zealand edition. When Friendship Hurts has helped countless men and women to better understand why they get involved in a toxic friendship, and then explore possible ways to mend it, let it fade, or end it.
Product Details
Price
$18.99
Publisher
Touchstone Books
Publish Date
July 09, 2002
Pages
240
Dimensions
5.68 X 8.52 X 0.59 inches | 0.5 pounds
Language
English
Type
Paperback
EAN/UPC
9780743211451
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About the Author
Jan Yager, PhD, is a sociologist and the author of Friendshifts(R) The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives. Recognized as the number one expert on friendship in the country, she has been seen and heard on Oprah, The View, The O'Reilly Factor, and NPR, as well as on numerous other national television and radio programs. She lives in Fairfield County, Connecticut.
Reviews
"If you think you know everything about friendship, you haven't read Jan Yager, Ph.D.'s, When Friendship Hurts .... The author has valuable advice about how to break off a friendship that hurts." --Ruth Winter, MS, co-author, Brain Workout "When Friendship Hurts is a thoughtful, insightful, and thorough guide for dealing with problems and taking the quality of your friendships to the next level. I recommend it for anyone who wants deeper and stronger relationships with his or her friends."--Mark Sanborn, CSP, CPAE, speaker and author, High Impact Leadership "When Friendship Hurts is the best and most useful book on friendship that I've read in a long time!" --Don Gabor, author, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends
"Does anything hurt worse than betrayal by a close friend? Sociologist and friendship expert Jan Yager (Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives) explores failed, hurtful, and destructive friendships in When Friendship Hurts. The book describes 21 types of potentially negative friends. The "Rival," for example, is envious to the point of malice. The "Blood-sucker" expects you to be there every moment. The "Controller" must be in charge of everything, from where you meet for lunch to whom you date. Yager lays out strategies for dealing with the problems when you want to keep the friendship, while also warning about extreme behavior and discussing triggers that lead to friendship conflicts, such as jealousy, anger, and change (of marital status or job, for example). Yager also guides you to examine your own destructive or harmful traits and recognize patterns in your family background that affect your friendships. Overall, this book will help you learn how to deal with destructive friendships--when and how to save them, when and how to end them, and how to cope when a business friendship goes wrong. Yager, who has appeared on Oprah and other TV programs, also encourages you to celebrate the joys of positive friendships."--Joan Price, Amazon.com Review "Sociologist Yager (Friendshifts) has been studying and writing about friendship since the 1980s. Drawing on the results of 180 questionnaires, as well as earlier studies she conducted, Yager focuses here on what to do when friendships go bad. Successful friendships, according to Yager, are marked by trust, honesty, empathy and commonality characteristics that may be compromised when a once-supportive relationship turns sour. When this happens as it inevitably does in the course of one's life friends may become self-absorbed, overly dependent, highly critical or even betray one another. Underlying childhood issues, such as low self-esteem, intense sibling rivalry and abusive parenting often prevent adults from forming satisfactory friendships. The author outlines a variety of coping techniques that committed friends can follow as they work through negative patterns that are eroding their relationship. She also explains how to recognize a friendship that is so destructive it must be ended (e.g., if a friend isn't there for you when your parent dies, it's a sign the friendship's over), how to actually end the friendship (try saying "I'm busy" when the friend asks to get together), how to detect "harmful" people before you become friends with them (examples are the "taker" and the "one-upper") and how to deal with friendships at work (Yager is convinced these friendships should remain casual). This valuable book will be a rescuer to all readers struggling to deal with an ailing friendship." --Publishers Weekly "Author, speaker, and sociologist Yager presents her second book on friendships (after Friendshifts), focusing here on identifying and dealing with its negative aspects, including betrayals, abandonment, and any other type of behavior that causes hurt. Yager identifies 21 types of inappropriate behavior and helps readers to examine their friendships in light of them. After looking at reasons for the behavior, she offers helpful coping skills to determine whether a relationship should be salvaged or ended The chapter on workplace friendships is particularly relevant to today's readers. Finally, Yager encourages readers to move past negative relationships and concentrate on building good ones in which friends can support each other in a healthy manner. Although there are myriad books on friendship, this one is somewhat different in focus and should appeal to a wide audience. Recommended for all public libraries." --Library Journal
"Does anything hurt worse than betrayal by a close friend? Sociologist and friendship expert Jan Yager (Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives) explores failed, hurtful, and destructive friendships in When Friendship Hurts. The book describes 21 types of potentially negative friends. The "Rival," for example, is envious to the point of malice. The "Blood-sucker" expects you to be there every moment. The "Controller" must be in charge of everything, from where you meet for lunch to whom you date. Yager lays out strategies for dealing with the problems when you want to keep the friendship, while also warning about extreme behavior and discussing triggers that lead to friendship conflicts, such as jealousy, anger, and change (of marital status or job, for example). Yager also guides you to examine your own destructive or harmful traits and recognize patterns in your family background that affect your friendships. Overall, this book will help you learn how to deal with destructive friendships--when and how to save them, when and how to end them, and how to cope when a business friendship goes wrong. Yager, who has appeared on Oprah and other TV programs, also encourages you to celebrate the joys of positive friendships."--Joan Price, Amazon.com Review "Sociologist Yager (Friendshifts) has been studying and writing about friendship since the 1980s. Drawing on the results of 180 questionnaires, as well as earlier studies she conducted, Yager focuses here on what to do when friendships go bad. Successful friendships, according to Yager, are marked by trust, honesty, empathy and commonality characteristics that may be compromised when a once-supportive relationship turns sour. When this happens as it inevitably does in the course of one's life friends may become self-absorbed, overly dependent, highly critical or even betray one another. Underlying childhood issues, such as low self-esteem, intense sibling rivalry and abusive parenting often prevent adults from forming satisfactory friendships. The author outlines a variety of coping techniques that committed friends can follow as they work through negative patterns that are eroding their relationship. She also explains how to recognize a friendship that is so destructive it must be ended (e.g., if a friend isn't there for you when your parent dies, it's a sign the friendship's over), how to actually end the friendship (try saying "I'm busy" when the friend asks to get together), how to detect "harmful" people before you become friends with them (examples are the "taker" and the "one-upper") and how to deal with friendships at work (Yager is convinced these friendships should remain casual). This valuable book will be a rescuer to all readers struggling to deal with an ailing friendship." --Publishers Weekly "Author, speaker, and sociologist Yager presents her second book on friendships (after Friendshifts), focusing here on identifying and dealing with its negative aspects, including betrayals, abandonment, and any other type of behavior that causes hurt. Yager identifies 21 types of inappropriate behavior and helps readers to examine their friendships in light of them. After looking at reasons for the behavior, she offers helpful coping skills to determine whether a relationship should be salvaged or ended The chapter on workplace friendships is particularly relevant to today's readers. Finally, Yager encourages readers to move past negative relationships and concentrate on building good ones in which friends can support each other in a healthy manner. Although there are myriad books on friendship, this one is somewhat different in focus and should appeal to a wide audience. Recommended for all public libraries." --Library Journal
