Welcome to Wherever We Are: A Memoir of Family, Caregiving, and Redemption

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Product Details

$30.95  $28.78
Rutgers University Press
Publish Date
5.3 X 8.0 X 1.0 inches | 0.75 pounds

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About the Author

Deborah J. Cohan is a professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina-Beaufort. Alongside her many academic publications, she is the author of the popular blog "Social Lights" for Psychology Today.


"Welcome to Wherever We Are is a brave memoir that sheds light on the challenges of caring for an abusive parent. This volume is bound to offer solace and support to those in similar situations. Deborah J. Cohan's honesty and compassion make this a unique and valuable memoir for anyone who has survived abuse by a parent and struggles to make sense of the conflicting feelings of love and responsibility as well as anger and resentment toward their abuser." --Abby Seixas "Ms. Magazine"
"Cohan's father was a story of opposites - abusive and controlling and also at times gentle and loving. When he gets sick and she must take care of him, she's unsure how to manage her emotions. She must let go of her anger in order to help her father and to come to terms with her own grief to begin to heal."--Abby Seixas "She Reads"
"This memoir of caretaking unspools so many of the complicated emotions wrapped up in helping a parent as they die. Writing about taking care of her father, Deborah J. Cohan details the realities of what it means to get sick and the toll it takes on the people around the ill person. A compassionate narrative, the book shows us how life doesn't stop when we are providing care to sick loved ones -- it only gets trickier."--Abby Seixas "Buzzfeed"
"With scrupulous honesty, and what Deborah so beautifully calls "tender curiosity," this is a journey toward reconciliation with the ambivalence she felt towards an emotionally abusive father. She winds up with love. Her memoir is an inspiration."--Abigail Thomas "author of What Comes Next and How to Like It: A Memoir and A Three Dog Life"

"Cohan's beautifully-nuanced book is an important addition to a distinctly American strain of memoir that seeks to fully explore family dynamics with all of its complications, glories, travails, and facing of mortality. This is a slice of life that is both wide and deep."

--Sue William Silverman "author of Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You"
"Welcome to Wherever We Are is a memoir of a difficult family, a relationship between a father and a daughter. It involves abuse, dislike, love and a great deal of caring. It is a memoir, but one guided by the sociological lens of writer Deborah Cohan. She offers us a personal story set in the context of complicated family relationships in contemporary American society."--Barbara J. Risman "co-editor of Families as They Really Are"
"Are we doing enough to protect children from predators?" by Gracie Bonds Staples: https: //www.ajc.com/lifestyles/are-doing-enough-protect-children-from-predators/yOPwPpYM1VLO0dnWpGwFML/--Barbara J. Risman "Atlanta Journal-Constitution"
"How to Remodel Your Home With Your Significant Other--Without Arguing Even Once," by Kelsey Mulvey: https: //www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/home-improvement/renovations/home-remodeling-couple--Barbara J. Risman "Real Simple"
"Love the sinner, hate the sin: thus, unfurls Cohan's memoir. Fractional love and uncomfortable rage toward her father blend with her longing for his abusive behavior to disappear and leave only the often extraordinary father. Cohan's crystalline honest prose brings the reader inside the dilemma of caring for an aging parent who brought her torment laced with love and magic--what is it like to adore, fear, and protect yourself from the father you feared and cherished?"--Randy Susan Meyers "author of The Murderer's Daughters and Waisted"
"An Open Letter to College Students about the Heartbeat Bill: Notes from a College Professor on Abortion" by Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D.: https: //medium.com/@debjcoh/an-open-letter-to-college-students-about-the-heartbeat-bill-notes-from-a-college-professor-on-63effdcabdb6--Randy Susan Meyers "Medium"
"Deborah Cohan has written a brave and beautiful memoir....not 'beautiful' in the sense of pretty or lovely or sugarcoated in any way. Beautifully written, yes, but also beautiful in its raw, graphic honesty--that is, in the sense that truth is beauty. There is much hard-won wisdom in these pages--wisdom gleaned from Cohan's years of caregiving for an abusive parent--and it will benefit those who find themselves navigating that rocky terrain. But this is also a story about life and death, love and loss, and the complicated nature of family and relationship. Which makes Welcome to Wherever We Are a universal story, one with wisdom for us all." --Abby Seixas "author of Finding the Deep River Within"
"How to Support an Employee Coming Out at Work," by Skye Schooley
https: //www.businessnewsdaily.com/15141-employee-coming-out.html--Abby Seixas "Business News Daily"
"The Society Pages 3Q with Deborah J. Cohan"
https: //thesocietypages.org/ccf/2019/08/06/3q-with-deborah-j-cohan/--Abby Seixas "The Society Pages"
"There Has to Be a Better Way," by Deborah J. Cohan
https: //www.insidehighered.com/advice/2019/08/21/diversity-and-antiharassment-trainings-must-be-improved-opinion--Abby Seixas "Inside Higher Education"
"The Most Anticipated Memoirs of 2020" by Stephanie Elliot
https: //shereads.com/most-anticipated-memoirs-of-2020/
--Abby Seixas "She Reads"
"How to Write a Lot on a Heavy Teaching Load" by Deborah J. Cohan
https: //www.insidehighered.com/advice/2019/12/05/how-write-more-regularly-and-publish-more-often-despite-having-heavy-teaching-load
--Abby Seixas "Inside Higher Education"
Mention of Welcome to Wherever We Are in the November 2019 issue of Active for Life
http: //scottvilleareaseniorcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/November-2019-Working-Copy.pdf--Abby Seixas "Active for Life (Mason County, MI)"
"Author Deborah J. Cohan: 'How To Connect With Yourself To Live With Better Relationships'" by Kristin Marquet
https: //medium.com/authority-magazine/author-deborah-j-cohan-how-to-connect-with-yourself-to-live-with-better-relationships-9113bf69603a--Abby Seixas "Authority Magazine"
"Cohan tells her personal journey while weaving in her expertise as a sociologist and domestic abuse counselor to address broader questions related to marriage, violence, divorce, only children, intimacy and loss. Most people deal with at least one of these issues. The book explores how people could live better amidst unpredictable changes through grief and healing."--Abby Seixas "Cleveland Jewish News"
"In this engrossing memoir, sociologist Deborah Cohan candidly describes her struggle caring for her aging father, who, as she was growing up, was at once kind and cruel. Undoubtedly, readers will be able to relate to Cohan's explorations into the complexities of family, evolving relationships, and complicated emotions."--Abby Seixas "Ms. Magazine"
"#GirlDad a nice sentiment but might come with mixed emotions" by Gracie Bonds Staples
https: //www.ajc.com/lifestyles/girldad-nice-sentiment-but-might-come-with-mixed-emotions/sSVEg8lX35QBA8FNsWjU0N/--Abby Seixas "Atlanta Journal Constitution"
"Author and Shaker Heights native Deborah J. Cohan to discuss her new book, 'Welcome to Wherever We Are'" by Roxanne Washington
https: //www.cleveland.com/living/2020/02/author-and-shaker-heights-native-deborah-j-cohan-to-discuss-her-new-book-welcome-to-wherever-we-are.html--Abby Seixas "Cleveland Plain Dealer"
"Phone Calls: An Excerpt From Welcome To Wherever We Are by Deborah J. Cohan"
https: //www.ravishly.com/phone-calls-excerpt-welcome-wherever-we-are--Abby Seixas "Ravishly"
"Column: What if the elderly parent you're caring for abused you as a child? New memoir explores a timely, complicated subject" by Heidi Stevens
https: //www.chicagotribune.com/columns/heidi-stevens/ct-heidi-stevens-coronavirus-welcome-to-wherever-we-are-book-0331-20200331-hfnbmefz7jdffavxle5tpu6j7i-story.html?--Abby Seixas "Chicago Tribune"