The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity
Everyone has their own concept of what "monogamy" means--and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner.
Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it's impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.
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About the Author
Tammy Nelson, PhD, is a world-renowned expert in relationships, a psychotherapist in private practice, and a popular lecturer around the world on sexuality and human relationships and global relational change. She is a board-certified sexologist, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, a licensed professional counselor, and a certified Imago relationship therapist. She resides in the New York City area, where she works in her private practice treating couples who are looking to restore passion to their relationships, recover from infidelity, and create their new monogamy, one agreement at a time.
"Infidelity doesn't have to be the end of the road, even though it often feels that way. Couples can, and do, often find their way to an ultimately deeper, more intimate bond, and I can think of no better guide to lead the journey than Tammy Nelson."
--Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First
"The New Monogamy takes an honest look at infidelity and illustrates a clear path toward healing after an affair."
--John Gray, PhD, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"The New Monogamy sets Tammy Nelson apart from many other therapists. She doesn't believe affairs simply involve a pathetic victim and an arrogant perpetrator--and that's why she can actually help couples navigate this difficult challenge."
--Marty Klein, PhD, author of Sexual Intelligence
"Provocative and juicy, far-reaching and intelligent."
--Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?
"This book is a game changer for couples dealing with the aftermath of an affair. It is unique in offering hope that this experience can be used to build a new and better relationship. But it offers far more than just hope; it provides detailed guidelines for how to make it happen. Tammy Nelson is a visionary in going beyond the immediate need to develop a new monogamy agreement to include the all-important process of revisiting and revising this agreement over time."
--Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth and host of www.dearpeggy.com
"Tammy Nelson is a master therapist who can help you find hope and opportunity in the multiple crises caused by an affair. The New Monogamy offers safe, effective steps through the confusion, betrayal, and hurt--with guidelines for how you can create more honest, erotic, and soul-satisfying relationships."
--Gina Ogden, PhD, LMFT, author of The Return of Desire and The Heart & Soul of Sex
"At a time when life can feel so murky and chaotic, along comes Tammy Nelson with this guidebook.... The New Monogamy is as crisp and clear as it is hopeful and realistic. A book to open again and again."
--Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity